T.I.R.E.D

The past couple of days have been tough. The tiredness factor is that hardest thing because I dont have the get up an go to even sit a sew or think for that matter - even reading is difficult. But on the other hand, I can't go and nap because if I do that i don't sleep at night. It is certainly a dilemma.

Yesterday I wanted to go out and get a few bits and pieces so that I could have a stash of projects to keep me busy in the moments I am not feeling tired during the days off I have coming up over Christmas\New Year - but I didn't make it out of the house.

Instead I had a day of stark contrast to the day before - all I could do yesterday was shuffle around the house because I had so much pain in my back and hips. That was after making a cheesecake for the work christmas lunch - which was today. Let me just say they are lucky there was a cheesecake at all because I nearly threw it over the balcony - being not in the mood to cook cheesecakes and all that.

I didn't even eat any of the cheesecake today - I couldn't face it.

Today I pottered around at work until lunchtime and then (silly me!) ate way too much food. Oh my goodness I was so uncomfortable after lunch. There just isn't the room there for massive feasts any more. Which is a little dissapointing when there are so many lovely things that you want to try a little bit of.

After lunch I felt disgusting and I could barely keep my eyes open. I think I will stick to small meals from now until when the baby is born.

I was given a box of Lindor chocolates as a secret santa present - and the funny thing is - i really didn't have the urge to dig into them straight away. It got me thinking about the whole deprivation aspect of going on a diet. Since finding out I was pregnant I really have just eaten what I like. I haven't had any mad binges and I still struggle to find something to eat some days. When I am in training food mode - sure I eat much more clean food choices - but I tend to never be short of an idea for a meal, and I do just tend to get on with it and eat it. I know that I am going to have to relaear all of my good eating and food habits but if I can find the balance so that I dont get the mad cravings - and stay organised enough to always have good food choices on hand - it shouldn't be too hard.

I am a bit excited that in aroun 12 - 14 weeks I am going to be able to start exercising again and I just can't wait. If only to get rid of this awful soft, non muscular feeling that I am growing to despise. Just to lose some weight off my face will be a god send. I absolutely cannot stand photos of myself at the moment. If only I could hold onto all these feelings to motivate me on those days when I am not feeling motivated!