So tired...

A combination of Harris's poor sleeping habits and all the exercise has left me drained and exhausted this friday. So drained in fact that it is difficult to string a sentence toghether. I really should be in bed.

Due to a very broken night last night I toned it down a bit today and did a 5km walk in just on an hour. I definitely feel much fitter than I did a few weeks back as the walk was a breeze and I was struggling to get my heart rate up.

Kristy asked me about whether I was still logging my food on Calorie King.

The answer is yes!

Even though I have a pretty good idea of what I need to eat to keep the nutrient balance approximately right for me ( I aim for 40 % Carbs, 40% protein and 20% fat - or there abouts)
- it is surprisingly easy to over do the calories without trying to hard at all. I tend to log my planned food the night before and that achieves two things.
a) it helps me to visualise what I am going to eat the next day - and thus helps me to stick to the planned food.
b) it means I know what calories I am planning to be on for the next day and whether or not I can squeeze in a coffee as a treat or an extra slice of bread here and there to make the day more balanced.

Because I am breastfeeding, my calorie intake is a little higher than it used to be when I was training for the half marathon - I find that if I dont keep it around 1500cal a day that I am verging on the pint of getting too hungry - and I know that overhungryness combined with tiredness is a big risk factor for me wanting to eat poorly. I know that if I have a big calorie dense meal I will feel great energy wise - but that's not so good for the waist line. So I kind of have to keep it in check - and cal king helps with that.

In the mean time... if you happen to see the drool monster (example a in the above pics), I would take cover.....he likes milk..and not the cow kind!

Edit at 4 am....

I had a revelation sometime in the past 6 hours, perhaps while I was struggling to keep my eyes open while feeding Harris.
Even if I have 1 meal that is slightly off plan or a worse choice than it possibly could have been, it will still mean I have had a better day that I would have had I done this:

Gotten up...put off eating breakfast until I knew the local cafes were open.....drive to the cafe/bakery..... eat something along the lines of a chocolate crossoiant, egg and bacon roll or a muffin and wash it down with a coffee..... eat nothing else until 12:30ish and then be starving..... be out in the car running errands with Harris and think "it'll be too hard to make something when I get home because Harris won't let me put him down without crying..... get KFC or Macca's through the drive through...... again not eat anything until dinner.......feel tired and lethargic and not want to cook dinner.....suggest to Mark that we get Turkish Pizza for dinner

OR the alternative

Wake up tired from getting up to Harris all night but know I will feel much better after eating.....make an egg white omlette which takes about 5 minutes and is very tasty...... drive to the lake and go for a 5km walk outdoors...it's cold but the fresh air is lovely......get back to the car and eat an apple and a protein bar...head to fresh food markets to pick up some vege and free range eggs for weekend breakfasts.... head home and eat pre prepped turkey mince and vege with pasta sauce from freezer......chill on the lounge with Harris all afternoon....feel tired and exhausted - not like cooking dinner...suggest we go to a local cafe where I knew I could get something relatively healthy for dinner....find out that it is closed for 3 months for reno's and am a little dissapointed....go to the local vietnamese instead......make a relaively poor choice in the Chicken laksa because feel the need to eat quickly before Harris gets grumpy...go home feeling the need to trawl the cupboards for sweet things due to feeling tired and flat...make a pot of chai tea with a drizzle of honey, have a small handful of dried cranberries and a couple of bikkies that Mark cooked.....go to bed feeling guity about the indulgence and know that there is going to be a spike on the scales in the morning...have the realisation above and start feeling a whole lot better about my day!

I had a good title

I had a good title earlier on and now it has left my head!

I was reading something last night about goals and it was talking about internal vs external motivation. It asked the question whether you get excited about how great you will feel once you reach your goal point.

It got me thinking - that is so true! AND I realised that I have been so focussed on how hard it will be and how long it will take and how much I need to sacrifice that I had completely forgotten about the whole refocusing thing. Snce I have started thinking about how great I will feel once I get to the other end I have started getting excited about it all again - which is great!

I'm glad I was reminded of that.

The past couple of days have been good. I am getting back into the habit of prioritising the gym and my training and organising the rest of the things around that - or simply turning up slightly late to things like mothers group.

Tonight I got Mark to look after Harris for an hour so I could dye my hair - I realised that I need to do these things for myself occasionally or I start to feel a bit bad and get a bit of low self esteem.

So far so good, I am finding the food plan easy - but I think it is because I am well organised - I just need to keep it that way.

Monday Monday

Well today went brilliantly food wise - I stuck to the plan and although tired - right now I am feeling pretty good.

The other things on the to do list weren't so great though.

I didn't get through 3 lt of water and I didn't make the few phone calls that I needed to.

I did go to the gym - I did a bodypump class because I couldn't make my braing think about what I needed to do.

Right now I need to focus on getting organised for tomorrow - but first I need to go and eat. I'm hungry!

Embarking...

Well tomorrow I embark on the operation lose 10kg project.

I'm a bit pissed off that due to extenuating circumstances with Harris and me just not getting the support I needed this weekend in terms of child free time I now still have a messy cluttered house and hence a messy cluttered headspace.

Harris has been impossible today he wouldn't play on his mat, he wouldn't let us put him down and he did a lot of distressed crying - which makes me stressed. Possibly he is growing or maybe even getting a tooth. It is impossible to know but there is nothing I can do about it except sooth him where I can.

I have drawn up a daily to-do list on my white board to try and help me be organised enough to make this easier. I have planned out dinners for a month in advance - I will still have to think about healthing them up a little bit for me each day but perhaps that is something I can look forward to. It annoys me that this was like second nature to me early last year - I didn't have to think hard about it at all -I just knew what I needed to do and did it. I am sure that I will get back to this point but until I do the head part of it all is hard work.

I did have a good dinner tonight of lamb steaks marinated with a north african spice blend and salad...followed by an apple...Its a good beginning.

Edit....The next morning

The scales are not my friends... How is it possible to stand on a set of scales three times in the space of 5 minutes and for each time the number on the scales to increase so that by the lsat time the scale weight is 1.7kg more than the first time. humpf!

What?

This is one of my favourite pics of Harris and I just had to post it on here!

I am feeling slightly better now both physically in terms of being recovered from the cold I had and emotionally regarding how I feel about getting down to business with getting rid of this extra 10kg.

Yes - the 'before pics' were a bit of a wake up call but I just have to tap away at it slowly and with consistency and I will see results. I know that.

I do have to be more conscious in my thought processes about what I need to do to help myself get there though and that involves me deliberately sitting down each night once Harris is asleep and reflecting on the day, writing in calorie king, perhaps writing in here, and looking over what I need to do the next day. I may also need to think about menu planning a little more - not so much for dinners but more for day time meals. especially lunch.

I find it interesting that on the days I step on the scales and see a number that I like - I am further encouraged to eat well, exercse and stay on track- and on the days when I don't like the number I tend to mope and not want to exercise and eat poorly.

My priority for the weekend though it to get the house al tidy and decluttered so I have have a clear mind to focus over this coming week.

Wake up Call..

I had to take some 'before' pics this afternoon and woah was it a bit of a wake up call. Sometimes whe I look in the mirror I delude myself somewhat about what is really going on.

I have been putting off this whole whittling the weight back down business because I know that it is going to involve hard work and dedication for quite some time.It is most likely also going to involve me rearranging my thinking again - something that took me 3 years to accomplish last time.

Quite honestly I scared about my ability to do it with the added stresses of looking after a small demanding child.
I need to go away and think about all of the things I did last time to get myself in the right head space and to help to make it easier for me to achieve..

Sick me

Well I am very glad that I decided to give it another week before starting back at training with intent because I am sick with some chesty cough thing and I think the boy has it too. Poor baby - hopefully he gets better quicker than me. I am constantly amazed at how quickly these little babies heal up from cuts and scratches.

I don't actually feel all that bad but it is bad enough that I know I probably shouldn't be hitting it too hard in the gym. I may go and do some weights tomorrow morning though.

This morning we went to take the dog for a walk and I was pleasantly surprised to see all the runners out doing the Canberra half marathon. It did make me want to be out there running along too - there is a certain excitelent that goes along with these events.

I have seen a few pics of the girls who competed today on facebook and they all looked great - Well done girls!

Contemplating marathons

It seems that whenever I sit down to post lately Harris inevitably starts to crack it and I have to abandon it to another time!

LAst week when I was running on the treadmill at the gym I was thinking about the fact that the entries to the Melbourne half marathon open on June 1st and I need to make my mind up pretty soon whether or not I am going to attempt this - hey - it has to be easier and less painful than childbirth right! But the logistics of the amount of time I need to dedicate to training are messing with my head presently. I much prefer running outdoors to running indoors on the treadmill, but during the week I would need to do at least two runs - preferably three and I know that these would need to be on the treadmill at the moment and that concept doesn't fill me with joy.

I could get out for a l ong run on the weekend fairly easily I think because I can leave Harris with Mark for up to an hour safely (without him needing to be fed).

I think I will keep contemplating the logistics for another week or so.

I tried for another run on the treadmill yesterday at the gym but I had already been on the bike for 30 minutes and trained legs and when I started to run my legs felt like jelly and it just wasn't happening. So I stuck with walking.

I am trying to shift my focus more towards being in training mode and this week I am going to try and amp it up a little and get to the gym more than once. I do go walking on the days I don't make it to the gym but it's just not the same.

Good luck to those who are competing tomorrow!

Finally made it to the gym!

Woohoo!

I finally made it back to the gym.

I took it a bit easy this morning because I dont cope very well with night feeds and sore legs - getting in and out of bed is hard enough without sore legs added into the equation.

I bit the bullet today and decided to have another go at running to see if my pelvis has improved at all. It seems that it has and I had a great session on the treadmill for 25 mins of 2mins running followed by 2 mins walking.

In even more exciting news - I jumped back on the spin bike for the first time in over a year this morning - expecting it to hurt - I was pleasantly surprised that it didn't hurt too much at all.

The theory was that if I can get on the spin bike for any period of time at all (but hopefully at least 20 mins) when Harris has his morning nap - then if for some reason we don't make it to the gym then at least I have done something!.

Also trained legs this morning.

all in all a good session.

The time gets away

Every day I look at this blog and think - I really ought to write something. And then I dont.

We have been really busy the past two weeks and to be honest - the gym hasn't been high on the priority list.

I thought that today would be the day that I manage to get back in there but it was not to be.

As we were leaving the house this morning I has Harris strapped into the pram, I turned around to pull the door closed and the pram managed to get away from me and rolled down the two front stairs, flipping over onto it's front and landing with Harris facing the concrete.

My poor baby - I thought I had really hurt him and it was all a bit scary. He was screaming - as you can imagine. Initially it looked as though he just had some scratches on his nose and cheek - but I just couldn't be sure if he had hit his head or not so we headed up to the hospital for him to get checked out just in case.

they seem to think he didn't hit his head and sent us home with instructions to watch him closely over the next couple of days.

It was very scary but I know that it is probably the first of many accidents he will have in his life - it is so difficult to watch your baby hurting and know there is nothing you can do about it.

So we will try again for the gym tomorrow.

I am never letting go of the pram handle ever again!