Over it

The heat that is! I am fine until aroung 12 - 1pm at home, then I go to the shops and have coffee or something along those lines - but you can really only stay there for so long!

Then I come home and get in the pool - yesterday afternoon I was in there for like 2 hours!

Thats when the problem starts.

Our house retains heat like you wouldn't believe - so when it is actually cooling down outside - our house doesn't. At midnight last night it was still 30 degrees and the ambient heat in the room is just unbearable for me because it seeps into the lounge and the bed and there is just no way to get cool AND be comfortable.

I only managed one thing on my list yesterday and that was the cooking. the freezer is so full of food now. But I am not cooking another thing until this heat wave has run it's course.

Now I want the baby to come so that I can go and be in the aircon at the hospital!

I am going out today to buy an evaporative airconditioner. That way at least I can be in the room that is cooler!

To Do List Thursday and Friday

Oh the joys of not having fluid filled legs (well they are still fluid fill but not retaining it at the moment - if you know what I mean). I tend towards getting fluid retention in my legs in the afternoons and to look down at your feet and see nothing but puffy feet and ankles is nothing but gross. Once its there it doesn't really go away until the next morning and sometimes not even then. But right now - it's not there and I have splendidly slinky ankles and lower legs. I am most defnitely looking forward to having less of a fluid retention problem in the coming weeks!

37 here in Canberra today - not as hot as some places but hot all the same! find me some airconditioning!

THURSDAY

• Cook up Chicken base dish for freezer in morning
• Cut out pattern pieces for toy cat
• Go to Library (for aircon) in afternoon and write letter re: Mat Leave
• Call my friend Kellie to arrange a catch up
• Drink 3 Lt Water
• Swim
  

FRIDAY

• Finish sewing shorts
• Vacuum and mop floors in am
• Tidy make up and bathrooms
• Visit Kirsty and Auntie Margaret
• Swim
• Drink 3 lt water
  

Building a Resourceful Mindset

I have started to think of these weeks that I have to myself as 'holidays'. The last time I had holidays or annual leave from work, I smashed my elbow and really couldn't do all that much.

I know that after the little noisy one has arrived there will most likely never be holidays - in the sense of being able to spend quality time at home pottering without too many distractions - ever again.

In all honesty, prior to breaking my arm back in May and then finding out I was pregnant in early June, I was at the best place I had ever been at mentally in terms of my health and fitness. There had been lots of ups and downs along the way, and many many occasions where I 'fell off the horse' (or deliberately got off the horse' and got back on again. It took me that long to work out the motivation side of things and ind the inner drive to achieve a goal. It took me that long to work out that when the books on goal setting say that you have to really really want it - they are right - you do have to really really want it AND you have to be willing to make the sacrifices necessary to get to the point you want to be at. Over time and as you learn about yourself, you tend to develop a more resourceful mindset towards achieving goals. Things get easier and you can really visualise the goal point you have set getting closer and closer to being achieved. As you get closer and closer, things get easier and more enjoyable to do.

HOWEVER!

In the past 9 months I have had one big holiday from my nice strong positive self talk surrounding health and fitness, I have had a holiday from making good nutritional choices and from most forms of exercise - bar the occasional run early in piece. In short - I gave myself permission (or maybe made an excuse) for myself to have a break from it all.

I don't necessarily think that is such a bad thing. BUT

Now I need to start the process again and begin making the thinking patterns in my brain go back to the way they were before. I need to relearn the benefits of being super organised with food preparation and the goals that I want to achieve each day - be they fitness related or not.
I need to relear to look at the number on the scales and see it as feedback and not freak out when it's not doing what I want it to. I need to redevelop that resourceful mindset.

The way I see it - there are a few things I need to do to set myself back on this course:

1. Get out some of my motivational books and start reading - and taking notes if necessary.
2. Not allow myself to become lazy in a sembalance of a daily routine. I realise that baby may not always make this routine easy for me, but, getting up, getting dressed and eating breakfast is not too much to ask.
3. Keep in mind the things I have to do each day - and see them as achievements.
4. Being organised and writing myself lists.
5. Take a step back if I feel as though I am putting too much pressure on myself (which I have a tendancy towards).
6. Practice positive scripts
7. Spend some time each day reflecting on what I have achieved.

There are probably more but they haven't come to me yet.

Today I went to see "The curious tale of Benjamin Button' - interesting but at around the 1 hour20min point when I had to go to the toilet I was seriously contemplating whether or not to go back in. I just wasn't really that into it. I think the promise of another 1 20mins of airconditioning without having to walk around the shops did it for me.

I am annoyed at the fact you have to pay for parking EVERYWHERE here in Canberra - even at the local westfield shops. Sure you get 2 hours for free but when it is 36 degrees outside and you are 8 weeks pregnant - you want more than 2 hours!! Tomorrow I am going to go the the Library but I will wait until the house gets so hot that it is unbearable to stay here any longer. Then I have a letter to write so that should see me through a few hours!

Large

is how I am feeling.... and stretched. It is a little uncomfortable - you would think that I would have learnt by now not to eat a big meal but the thing is - i haven't really eaten all that much today.

Today has flown by - mainly because I didn't get out of bed until 9:30am after a poor nights sleep. I just cannot get the pillow angle right and I have been getting a sore back. That combined with being limited as to which way I can sleep (pretty much only on Left side which I find v. uncomfortable) has meant that sleep has been pretty poor quality the past few nights. I'm thinking that it's not going to get much better.

I went and checked out the DFO here in Canberra this morning - it's not too bad as far as outlets go. I actually managed to pick up a bit of a bargain. Three long sleeve henley style PJ shirts (for winter) that have front opening buttons for 2.99 each.

Right - I am off to try and take some pictures of this baby's room!

Sunday Sunday

Not that the fact it is a Sunday really matters all that much to me anymore - because everyday is going to be like a Sunday!

I have a feeling the the rib pain may have been being exacerbated by me sitting at a computer at work all day. It is no coincidence that it was terrible on Thursday and Friday and on both of those days I spent the day at the computer. It also seems to be fine in the mornings but then as the day wears on and I start feeling heavier and heavier, the pain increases into the afternoon and evening.

Yesterday afternoon I went for a swim and it was pure bliss - I should have done that the day before. It is the most amazing relief from all baby related discomfort. Next time I am pregnant I am definitely going to try swimming more regularly and possibly do some aqua aerobics or something like that. It is that good! Yesterday I had the pool noodle wrapped around me and I was doing water running around in circles in the deeper end of the pool. It is actually quite difficult!

This morning I went to check out the local farmers market and I was very impressed. They are real farmers markets - not just the ones where you get the people who go to the wholesaler and then come and sell it at the markets. The majority of the produce was certified organic and there was a good range. The prices are very comparible to shopping at the supermarket as well (if not cheaper - I got a massive bag of fruit for 5 dollars.

So as I have been trying to avoid physically going into a grocery store of late - I think that I will make the farmers markets a regular Sunday morning outing for fruit and vege. They also had alot of free range eggs and home baked breads. Perhaps another week we can try some of those.
We already buy our meat from a wholesale butcher - I'm not a fan of the meat in coles and woolies.

Not much else planned for today really. I find that I need two rests now - one sit down in the morning after doing whatever I've been doing and another one - possibly including a nap - in the afternoons.
I'm going to try and stay in a kind of routine while I'm not working, with regard to getting up and eating times and that kind of thing. I find when I don't do this I can get very lazy. I know that once the baby is here any routines will revlove around him but I am flexible. I just need to have little things to tick off each day - If I dont do that then I feel like I have accomplised nothing and then I start to get mopey.

Never fear - at the moment there is still plenty of small projects for me to do piece by piece.

Have a great Australia day whatever you may be doing!

Update : We put chlorine in the pool this morning and I think we may have put too much in because we tested it and it was a tad high - so alas no swim for me this afternoon. so dissapointing....

A letter to the baby delivery cranes....

Dear sweet lovely cranes,

Please let me deliver my baby very soon. It's not only because I am excited to meet him but I really cannot cope with this chronic rib pain for very much longer. I cant eat because it make the pain worse, I can't sleep because it's there all the time and nothing seems to make it go away at all.
It is incredibly uncomfortable and I dont really think I can last through three (possibly 5) more weeks of constant ache.
I promise I wont even complain one bit about how much breastfeeding sucks (pun intended) or how tired I am from being up and down all through the night with a newborn.
I just want my ribs back to feeling like ribs should and not like they are constantly on fire.

Kind regards,

Andjxxx

3am

Argh- it is 3am and I am awake. I am not super awake though and will probably be back asleep in an hour or so. I woke up hungry and got up only to discover there was nothing that constituted a quick snack in the house at all. Luckily there is a woolies home shop order arriving tonight.

I am slowly learning to embrace home shop. The first couple of times I used it I didn't have much jiy because I kept forgetting things and would have to go to the shops anyway. This time I discovered that you can just log on and keep adding to your shopping trolley until you are ready to order. So now whenever we use something up I just add it on straight away - hopefully that wasy nothing gets forgotten. I still need to get meat and veggies, but the meat shopping we do separately from a bulk place and I am going to try out the local farmers markets for veggies - possibly this Sunday - I'll have to see how I am feeling.

today is my last day at work and I honestly dont think I could hvae gone another day. Yesterday was a tough day because all the doctors decided to change their minds on every plan I was working on here I was thinking I would have a cruisy last few days and they have turned everything that was simple to complex and I am going to have to work my butt off today to get even close to not leaving any mess for other people to tidy up.

I had so much discomfort yesterday that I really felt like things were starting to move along. I wasn't sure that he had moved down further into my pelvis before but I am now. It is suddenly so difficult and painful to walk and even sitting is quite uncomfortable.

The thing is - even though these are all good signs - it really doesn't mean too much at all - it could potentially still be 3 - 5 weeks before he makes an appearance!

Change of heart - for now

I think I have had a change of heart re: the private blog thing. I really really dont want to have a private blog because it just makes things difficult and I want people to be able to read my blog freely.

I was extremely angry and upset at a certain family member earlier today and not knowing whether she reads my blog or not, I wanted to have a massive vent and felt like I was a little censored by the blog being so public. (Turns out she does - surprise surprise)

Things have smoothed a little now though and I am thinking that it will be ok to stay public. After all I don't usually vent about things too often on here. The odd time that I do at least it is honest and heartfelt. Family relationships can be so difficult at times and sometimes you need to make decisions that are the best for your own self preservation and sanity. I am quite content having a distant and superficial relationship with my family members - it saves me thousands in psychologists fees and allows me to get on with creating my own life and family memories where the things that I value and have created for myself are important. I think sometimes selfishness is a necessary evil. I chose this path deliberately a long time ago and it works for me and my sanity. If other people dont like it - then thats too bad.

I don't know why some people cant just accept that if they want to have the life they aspire to then they need to get out there, figure out how to do it and take responsibility for doing it off their own back. No one is going to come along and hand you the perfect life on a silver platter and there is always going to be things that are impossible to change that you just need to accept and move on from. The victim mentality will only keep you going for so long. If you dont like your life then do something about it to make it so you do. I did and it works for me - if other people cant accept that then its just too bad.

I think that I am feeling particularly fed up with being so pregnant and with everything that has gone on re: the maternity leave thing I was feeling very fragile today emotionally. I nearly thrw my mobile phone at a brick wall so that I didn't have to deal with it anymore.

So much for the public service being a nice safe employer to work for - it seems they too will f*&K you over the first chance they get as well as any other employer. I spoke with a Solicitor today and it seems like there really isn't very much hope. I have two last things up my sleeve but one of them involves writing a letter that will need to be very well structured and worded and that might take me a week or so.

So we will be living on one income for the time I am off work. I might look into going back slightly earlier than originally planned for two days per week - if I can arrange child care a couple of days per week. Mark says I don't have to if I don't want to though - and that isn't really something I wanted for my child in the first year of his life. I'll see how I am going with it all after he has arrived.

I was extremely upset yesterday and I spent a long time awake in tears last night. Thus the reason for being even more emotional than normal today.

But -- if I am going to be as busy as everyone says I will then I don't need to worry about being bored, I have spin bike, an ability to run long distances, a very good quality pram, a set of weights and enough knowledge (and hopefully motivation) to still achieve the things I wanted to achieve in the next twelve months health and fitness wise.

I'm sure it will all work out for the best.

As for family members - if they want to continue reading my blog - if my life is that interesting to you that you can't tear your eyes away despite the fact that you never want to speak to me again - thats fine - I'm not going to change my life and the way I live it. I'm quite happy with how it works for me. If I appear cold hearted and selfish or even the biggest bitch in the world - I'm fine with that too.

Private

Unfortunately and against my wants for this blog, it looks as though I might have to go private on the blogging scene - for at least a little while and with this blog. I have always used my blog as a place to vent a little and to be able to say what I please but a situation has arisen that prevents me from being able to do this.

I know that there arepeople out there who simply like to lurk and if you are really keen to keep following along then please email me and I will forward you the details for the log in.

I'll be switching it over to Private from Sunday - so anyone who wants to follow along the fitness side of things and my journey back to pre baby fitness please email me.

Anyone who wants to know about/see pics and updates about the baby - please look at my other blog www.primroseandavery.blogspot.com - i'll post about those things in there because I really want to keep this more personal and fitness related.

Pouring Rain

It is pouring rain today ...well this afternoon at least and it is just so pleasant.

With it being so dry here I really appreciate the rain now.

Today has not been a great day but I don't really want to post about it. Lets just say Mat leave benefits are not looking good and we are preparing to be poor for 12 months. But I am trying not to let it dwell. We wont be poor but we certainly wont be having too many luxuries.

I managed a walk again tonight - and up a big hill at that. Can you tell I really want this baby to come now. I want something to take my mind off all this other stuff. It poured raining on us when we were half way and we got thoroughly drenched.

I have tomorrow off work which I am happy about.

how I know when I am unfit

Now I know what you'll all be thinking... she is nine months pregnant and she expects to be fit?

But thats not really what I was getting at.

A while ago (like perhaps 2 years) I was on an on again off again rollercoaster of dieting and exercise regimens that would last three weeks. That would be three weeks of give my all, obsessive all or nothing black and white thinking, only to give up at the end of the three weeks because it was clearly going to be far too difficult to continue at this pace.

Well of course it was!! Somewhere along the way I realised this and changed my methods. I was much better off for it and I started actually achieving things with my health and fitness.

Anyway - that was a little off topic.

The three weeks would then be followed by about a month of nothing and then I would start to feel like rubbish again and do it all over again.

Something I noticed when my fitness levels were starting to wane OR in that first week when I was starting to get back into it, would be that my hands would get really painful and all tingly whenever I went for a long walk (an exercise driven walk - not just a walk to the shops).

I decided today that I am going to try and start walking with Mark in the evenings - when I am feeling up to it - whenever I can from now on.
Why now you might ask?
two reasons:

1) Because until just this past few weeks I have had excruciating back pain that prevented me from walking too far at all - it seems to have gone now which is strange but good.

2) Because - and I know this is a bit silly - apparently walking can encourage the onset of labour. It may be an old wives tale but hey! I want him to come and be on the outside of this world sooner rather than later and I am willing to give any old wives tale a go to get things on the move!

So I went for a walk tonight - only 20 mins or so - but a walk all the same - and OW my hands - all tingly and painful. Hopefully if I can make the walks regular enough thais will start to ease off.
It felt quite good toget out in the evening air and do something physical!

Lazy Sunday

No much doing today really. I had a terrible day yesterday, generally feeling poorly and my blood pressure was a little elevated. Hence I spent the majority of the day on the lounge reading, napping and then was in bed by 9pm. Unfortunately this isn't a recipie for a very good nights sleep.

So last night I was tossing and turning and waking up every two hours. Then at around 2am a car alarm went off next door and those kinds of things tend to freak me out a little. I was also incredibly uncomfortable during the night.

Surprisingly today I am feeling remarkably well. I have been to the nursery to get a few plants and had a little potter in the garden this morning with Mark. We are going to put some raised garden beds in our front yard behind a massive hedge that blocks the view of our house from the street. They look like this:

It is a bit of a long term plan, but the goal is to have them in with the soil all conditioned and ready to plant at the end of this coming winter - so by summer next year we should have a lovely crop happening. Until then we will stick to the back yard and deal with the dog carnage.

Done a bit of tidying around the house and a few loads of washing. Still got a little bit to go.
Generally a nice relaxing day though.

Moving on

I have read and reread the legislation pertaining to my dilemma and it's all going to come down to human resources and interpretation - hence there isn't much I can do right now and we have no further information until Tuesday.

I have half started thinking about contingency plans and with the baby bonus now being paid fortnightly we will be fine after that comes through. We weren't really planning on having to spend it though - we were kind of hoping to invest it. Cest la Vie.

We will cross that bridge when we come to it.

As the week went on it really seemed to pick up (except for that glitch yesterday). I felt like rubbish on Monday and honestly didn't think that I would make it through another two weeks of work. This afternoon I stayed back a bit at work to finish off some things and felt like I could keep going for ages. I think that it helped that we had a very gossipy, chatty day today and it was fun and nicely broken up. I kind of wish I didn't have to leave because I feel as though I am just starting to break through the "You're newh ere" Barrier.

I am hoping that next week I am full of beans again. I have left myself enough work to be busy all week so that is one thing to look forward to.

It honestly doesn't feel like we are going to have a baby in the next few weeks. People keep asking me if I am getting excited and I wasn't really sure. Perhaps I am but it is so difficult to know what it is all really going to be like that it's hard to know what to be excited about.
I still keep thinking of him like a noisy kitten I guess.

4 weeks tomorrow until my kitten is due.

Bad Day much??

I WAS having quite a decent day today...getting through it....getting on with the work I have left...happy that tomorrow is Friday... you know how it goes. Until just after lunch when I took a phone call that crumbled it all.

As some of you may know I only started working in the ACT in June - so just a little over 6 months ago. I didn't know I was pregnant when I started. The requirement for paid maternity leave is 12 months continuous service, however if you previously worked for a goverment organisation, they recognise this prior service and waive the 12 months....or so all the forms say.
I spent a very long time last year fighting with a lady at QHealth to complete the forms I needed to have my prior 5 years recognised. Handed the forms in when they were done and assumed because I hadn't heard anything that it was all good.

hmnn.... not so it seems....


they decided to tellme today that i wasn't elligible for paid maternity leave until June when I have been there one year - even though I have worked at Queensland health for the past 5 years and have been granted recognition of prior service.

They are saying that it wasn't continuous because I had two weeks off between finishing at QHealth and starting at ACT health. now if you recall - the reason I couldn't start work on my originally arranged date (which would have negated the three weeks between May 9th when I finished in Qld and June 3rd when I started in ACT - was because I had a broken arm. But that is beside the point.

It's bad luck for them that I have a brain and am able to interpret legislation. The Public Sector management act has a definition of continuous service and as far as I can tell from the legal/industrial relations jargon - they would be right - except for the fact that my break in service was due to being unfit for duty due to a broken arm - hence negating the three weeks and the break being not considered a break. That is how I interpret it anyway. Only problem being that I don't still have a medical certificate from 6 motnhs ago do I - but I can get the evidence that it all happened from the hospital in Brisbane I am sure.

I don't think so somehow - how could a break of 2 weeks possibly negate 5 years of previously continuous service in a public sector organisation?

I am still able to access Unpaid maternity leave and then my mat leave payments will start once the 12 months continuous service (including the mat leave) has been completed - but that is besode the point.

I'm not letting it go without a fight.....you don't mess with a girl who is 36 weeks pregnant.
We are going down fighting.

On an up note - there was a stunning sunset just now.....

Things I have learn't about growing vegetables...

* That eggplants and capsicums like it hot - really hot. My eggplants and capsicums weren't doing very well at all and then bam - as soon as it got hot they have gone nuts. The capsicum is still coming to terms with deciding to start growing again but the eggplant is just crazy.

* That Peas of any kind need a trellis of some description

* That it is easier to grow pumpkins by just 'chucking some seeds in there' than it is to carefully plant seedlings. (Especially when a bulldozer happens to drive through tha part of the garden where the pumpkins were planted) It's OK though - now the seeds I chucked in there on the off chance they would grow are doing just that and it is far more satisfying.

* That tomato's are relatively easy to grow but they do need a trellis - and also like it hot - as do chilli's.

* That if you have a Labrador that has been trained to ea fruit and vegetables, you should keep it away from Plums, Apples, Apricots and Tomatos.


So my failed crops were Peas and Zucchini's - the zucchini's were munched my something but I think I will give them another go next year. I think I will also broaden my range and try a couple more vegetable varieties next year. I am also going to get a big pot and plant some strawberries...mmmnnn fresh strawberries.

Just a quick post

Just a quick post tonight because it is soo hot here this afternoon that I really can't sit in this room for too long - in fact - I may just need to go and jump in the pool.

I did something amazing and slept through the entire night last night - how I don't really know. I much have achieved the right balance of food and tiredness.

It didn't really do me any good though because I continued feeling rubbish for most of today with just a slight pick up in the afternoon.
I think that the baby may have dropped down into my pelvis a bit more because walking has become uncomfortable, pressure down there has increased and his kicking position has moved a little lower.
I really didn't want to be at work today and I was thinking of telling them I would be finishing a week early - but I just need to take it one day at a time - only 8 work days to go.

A little bit later on...

I had to come back and do a bit of an edit because I just had a bit of an epiphany and I needed to write it down.

I have been going to work and moping around, clock watching and dreading each day because in my mind I have got myself believing that it is going to be tough being there all day.

I just need to reframe it. Sure I may have moments of tiredness (even a couple of hours!) and I am allowed to because I have another human inside of me.

But if I go in each day expecting it to drag on and be dreary and difficult - then how could it be anything else.

While I still need to do things at a slower pace - it's not like I am going to have the baby tomorrow. I think that I have been going in and being all prescious because every time I get a pain of any description I think my goodness this could be it.

In reality I have 4.5 weeks to go and there isn't any real reason why he should come early, so I just need to get on with life as though I wasn't expecting anything to happen and I am positive that 2 things will happen.

1) I will enjoy the next 4 weeks a lot more
2) It will go faster and the painful bit will be over and done with - minus all the anxiety and anticipation about waiting for it to happen.

I read something along similar lines in one of my favourite books a while back - although it was in regard to goal setting and overcoming fears about reaching goals. This is an excerpt from Fitter, Faster, Stronger, Smarter by Miranda Banks (xxiii, 2007).

It's 30000 BC and a misty predawn light is starting to trainl it's way into your cave. You're obviously the first awake because you can hear the rhythmic sound of heavy breathing coming from the other sleeping mats. As you yawn, stretch and contemplate the day to come, you notice that the fire has almost gone out at the mouth of the cave - not a positive sign of effective security.

Without warning, the silence is broken by a blood curdling roar. A large lion pads into sight. It stops - its body filling the cave's entrance - and eyes you hungrily.

Right now, your survival - and the survival of the other still asleep- depends on whether you're thinking one of the following:

- "I'm toast"

- "Great! I love pitting myself agains carnivores! My super-charged, light weight killer spear is handy and I'm feeling strong!"

- "Run! I'm trapped darn it. Didn't I tell the builder that I needed that escape hatch fixed yesterday"

- " I wish I'd paid attention in the "How to talk with lions" class"

- "I wonder if I should hide under the covers? If I can't see it, maybe it can't see me."

- "Where's steve? He's always claiming to be the lion tamer. Now here is his chance."

- "Dear Moggins - hand reared since a cub- is here for his breakfast. I just wish he'd turn down the volume on his wake up call.


In short, when people are faced with a challenge, they have behavioural choices from which to select. They can choose to give in to the challenge, fight it, run from it, reason with it, hide from it, pass it on to someone else or reframe it so that it no longer represents a challenge.

The ability to plan for an encounter with a lion (metaphorically speaking) - or to reframe the encounter so the lion becomes a kitten and is therefore infintely more manageable - forms a significant component of the thinking that sets achievers and non achievers apart.

I was looking at the challenge of the last few weeks and choosing to fight it and make it worse than it needed to be. Now I choose to reframe it to something thatis far more pleasant and makes the time go faster - not to mention the free airconditioning!

The brain wiring is there - I just need to figure out how to get it glowing again.

(PS - Next time you are struggling to get out of bed in the morning for your morning gym session - remember the lion and get up and face it - you'll feel better afterwards - AND you'll be one step closer to reaching your goal and overcoming your challenge!)

Gotta love a Bargain!

After spending the majority of this morning transferring my email address book over to my new email account (address hasn't changed though), and dilligently tidying my home desk and generally tidying up the study, I went to the shops at lunch time to see if I could find a dressing gown/wrap to wear at the hospital.

I must have had my eyes open or simply been in the right place at the right time today because there were bargains galore!

I found the wrap in Sussan for $19.95 - which is all I would ever really want to spend on one of them. I tend not to wear them at home - plkus it is a size Large - might fit me for a little while afterwards but then will need to go into the maternity clothes pile me thinks!

Then I went into Rebel Sport to see if they had any new running shoes for Mark - and found they were having a big sale on gym/running/crop tops. I wear these all the time when I am into it - and they were $10 each. So I got two Running bare ones and a Addidas one. They will be handy for when I get back to it.

So with all my money spent and starting to get a sore back - I headed home happy.

I logged onto the Lindy Olsen Forum for the first time in ages tonight - because I realised that when I am on Mat Leave and before the baby comes the internet is going to be a bit of a boredom saviour I think. There is lots of good stuff in there - so I think I will have a bit of reading ahead of me!

Ordinary

Last night and so far today (and it is only 8 am!) I have been feeling rather ordinary. I had a good nights sleep last night (relatively) and a bit of a sleep in (until 7:45am - but sleeping in usually makes me feel groggy) but it doesn't seem to have helped.

I have the daunting task today of tidying my home desk - I think I may also have to write a powerpoint presentation for work. I have all of the bits in my head I just need to put it onto paper.

Yesterday afternoon I started getting back pain again and that is (I think) what is contributing to the ordinary feelings.

I think it scares me a little because it is a sign that the impending birth is getting closer.

Daily affimation from now on should be:

My body is designed to achieve this and I am strong and capable of achieving what I set my mind to.

Transformation

I wrote this post last night when i was feeling decent - not that I am not feeling decent right now - it's just that sitting at the computer is not very comfortable for me at the moment. I have to do it in spurts. So knowing that I wanted to write abou tthis I did so last night.

This morning we have finished tidying up from yesterday, gone out for breakfast, bought a car seat for the baby, and put the cot together. If he decided to come today we would be ready.
andyway - onto what I wrote last night.

Knowing what I have ahead of me in the next 12 months - both fitness wise and home life wise - I have realised lately that I haven't has as much focus on filling my brain with all of the wonderful positive motivational bits and pieces that keep me going when I am trying to reach a goal.

I think that it is going to be tough for me to get back into it again and get back to the point where I was at before.

Speedygeoff has included a few tidbits in his recent postings regarding transformation and I wanted to put them all down here in the one spot.

Keys to transformation - work in progress -
Key 1. Full of hope, anticipation and awe, ..knowing the future is malleable and that we can intervene to achieve worthwhile goals, …
Key 2. …we employ directed self-talk to get ourselves onto the desired track and to keep us there.
Transformation key 3: Stay dissatisfied, even frustrated, with where you are now. Stay passionate about wanting to change. Knowing that what could be is so much better than what is, never quit, never be satisfied, never be content with mediocrity, never think of yourself as average. Don't mark time, don't get complacent, keep running!

Keep them coming Geoff - I need reminding!

It is also interesting that both Nicole and Rae posted about self belief and overcoming self limiting beliefs. I think that self limiting beliefs are possibly one of the most self destructive habits in existence. I hope that is is OK with both of them - but I would like to republish their respective posts here. Here is Rae's:

"Discovering new worlds will not only
bring you happiness and wisdom,
but also sadness and fear.
How could you value happiness
without knowing what sadness is?
How could you achieve wisdom
without facing your own fears?
In the end, the great challenge in life
is to overcome
the limits within yourself,
pushing them to places you would never
have dreamed they could go."

Excerpted from The Dolphin: Story of a Dreamer (Hay House, 2008), by Sergio F. Bambaren

And here is Nicole's:

We are what we think.
Everything we are arises
from our thoughts.
With our thinking
we create the world.

- Buddha

I guess that I spent the whole of 2007 and early 2008 teaching myself about overcoming fears and creating my own reality. It is true that we are only limited in what we can achieve by what we believe we are capable of.

I will do me good to keep this high in my mind in the coming 12 months - and also to keep doing things that push my boundaries of what I believe I amcapable of achieving.

Baby Showers

Thought that you guys deserved a 'latest pic' of the belly progress. I was dressed up today for the baby shower so I enlisted Mark to take a pic. I must admit that I am starting to feel quite big now. I woke up this morning feeling bigger than when I went to bed last night.

The baby shower was lots of fun, we had a 'tea party', there were sandwhiches galore, lots of tea and coffee, party cakes, lemon meringue, cheese and crackers etc - all those tea party type foods.

Then we had a demonstrator from the body shop at home come and we all got to play with some body shop products. I kind of like it because you never get to have a good play at the store - and I always feel as though the shop assistants are stalking me.

I have the Sunday and Monday to recover now. My only priority for the rest of the weekend is to start getting the house back to some sense of normality. As you can imagine - right now it is a big mess! Not only do we have party clean up but also the house is full of stuff that has been brought here from Jo's house. It feels like we just moved in again!

No more parties here for a while!

Hmmn

Was having a fairly decent day today, ticking lots of things off my list of things to do... until things went pear shaped to a degree after lunch - AND i can't really talk about it on here because family read my blog.

So I can see a restless night ahead of me - because my brain works overtime when these things confront me - and in reality there is nothing I can do about any of it.

I figured things out for myself a long time ago and set myself on a path to become the person I was happy with - and really thats what life comes down to - being happy within yourself. I realised that money doesn't buy you happyness - it has to come from within and that sometimes you have to go really deep inside yourself to figure out the things that are important for you.

Unfortunately you can't choose your family - and I don't think that I would have chosen mine any differently to what they are. I have learnt many lessons and am the person I am today because of my family - but being an individual you still have to put your own spin on things right?

I guess I have worked out my way of dealing with things involving family and while occasionally I probably seem cold and disinterested to some - I guess it is my way of dealing with emotions and if I didn't have this coping mechanism then I would be an emotional wreck.

It is difficult when other people can't see it from your perspective though.

Hmmn... not really much else to say..

Wow!

I slept through an entire night! what an achievement.

But (yes there is a but...) I didn't actually go to bed until close to midnight last night because it was too hot to sleep.

Today when I was at work I wrote myself a list of things to get done tonight when I got home.

I have done approximately 1/2 of one of the things on the list because it is so difficult to move fast at the moment. That is put away half the washing. It is my goal for tonight to get the rest of the washing put away.

Any other achievements today?

Not really.. I had a pretty painful day today so I tried to sit at my desk for as much of it as possible.

Time to go and finsh attacking that washing pile!

Back to it..

Back at work today and I was really dreading it. I'm not really sure why because - as it turns out I am pretty good at entertaining myself when I need to.

I just keep telling myself - three more weeks, three more weeks.

I think that it is just because I don't get to wear comfortable clothes when i am at work and I do when I am at home.

However, as it turns out, I was quite happy to be at work in the airconditioning because it was hot hot hot here in Canberra today. Everytime I walked into the building it was so lovely and cool.

I had a doctors appointment today and I asked about the rib pain. Turns out that it isn't that uncommon - especially localised right sided rib pain - which is what I am getting. Apparently your ribs 'stretch' a bit to accomodate the growing baby and this is where the pain ends up. I have to look forward to it from now until the baby comes unfortunately - although it might ease a little once he drops down a bit. If he drops down - which apparently they don't all do.

My solution is to eat smaller meals that don't fill as much stomach space - as that seems to keep the pain at bay a little.

Tonight we had the yummiest Chicken salad - and that will be my lunch for tomorrow as well.
I have been eating lots of fruit and things that aren't too bulky. I am so glad that it is summer!

I think I need to trawl back through my recipie files and find some more light summery dinners for the next few weeks.

I am starting to get really excited about the prospects of running again, starting to plan away in my mind, planning food etc. I was quite honoured today when one of the guys at work came and asked me for training advice because he is starting to get into running a little bit. I do like having someone to talk to about all the technical side of things.

My plan so far - although very basic -involves:
1. Having the baby
2. Waiting until the doctor gives me the all clear to start back with gentle walking. I am hoping that this is before the 6 weeks post partum check up.
3. Spend the next 6 weeks building up to walking 4 - 5 km per day, alternating with spin bike sessions at home and some home based weights work. Restablish good eating habits, routines and preparation.
4. Add running back in. Aiming for 1 x gentle speed work session, 1 x moderate tempo run, and 1 x longer run on weekends. Alternate with walking and spin bike sessions on other days. Investigate joining the local gym because it will be getting cold....

That is pretty much all I have thought about for now. But it is a good basic structure.

Ow my Ribs...

It has been four days now of painful painful ribs. I thought that it was baby feet getting in under there at first but now I actually think that it has something to do with me eating. It seems to be worse whenever I have just eaten.

What else... just general discomfort really. I feel really big now and I get tired far more easily. I am regretting saying I would work until 37 weeks but I think I will try and tough it out. After all - it is only 3 weeks. Perhaps being at work will provide me with enough distraction to make it a bit better.

Sleeping has become more difficult as well I wake up multiple times per night and turning over is near impossible. I have been waking up at 3 - 4 am nightly to have a snack. I'm thinking that is going to be a regular occurrence anyway.

The baby shower has crept up on me and I am nowhere near ready to host a party at my house. I am glad that it will be mostly family members. I need to make a list of the things I still need to do!

Had better go and do that then!

2009 Goals

2008 wasn't really a fantastic year for achieving goals. Although I did manage to run that one half marathon before everything in our lives fell to pieces. Well - that is probably a little bit of a negative way of looking at it isn't it? Here is a run down of 2008's happenings in our family:

• Jan - April 2008 Trained for and completed the Brisbane Half marathon
• March 2008 - Jo (Mark's mum) diagnosed with Oesophageal Cancer
• March 2008 - I scored my new job here in Canberra and plans were set in place to move in May
• April - Further diagnosis for Jo - this is a slow and frustrating process
  
• May 2008 - Came down to Canberra to help out with Jo - went out for a bike ride and broke my Elbow - out of all fitness action for 2 months. Work start date postponed because I couldn't drive. Jo commenced Chemo.
• June 2008 - Commence at my New Job, Mark remained in Brisbane for 6 weeks to finalise the house and finish up at his job.
• June 2008 - I find out that we are expecting a baby.
  
• June - End August - Morning Sickness and a Canberra winter. Urgh. Need I say more.
• July 2008 - Mark commenced his new job in Canberra
  
• August 2008 - Jo finishes up Chemo and it appears as though things are looking up.
• September 2008 - Jo scheduled to have operation to remove Cancer and part of her Oesophageas. This was unsuccessful - the cancer had progressed too far and at this stage further treatment was futile.
• October 2008 - mark and I finalise the purchase of our new house in Canberra and move from Jo's to the new house. We like our new house. Mark continues to go to Jo's a few afternoons per week to walk the dog.
• November 2008 - Jo deteriorates further but the doctors seem unable to fix any of the problems at this point. It is very frustrating.
  
• December 2008 - Jo has some radiation treatment to ease her problems with vomiting and bleeding. It seems to work and she is able to eat again. She remains in hospital for 3 weeks and doesn't seem to improve - although the hospital wants to discharge her home. She goes to a respite bed at Claire Holland House Palliative care facility in Canberra with the view to recovering to a point where she can go home. It appeared as though this would happen - however her fast deterioration over the christmas week ultimately ended with her passing on Boxing Day. Her funeral was held on New Years Eve, 2008.
• December 2008 - I am now 8 and a half months pregnant and looking forward to a New Year with MANY MANY less stressfull events in our lives

SO 2009 can Only be better right?

The first hurdle to get through is to meet the newest member of our family in February sometime. We aren't really looking much past then at this point. However, I am keen to regain my fitness so I only have two goals this year that are fitness related. They are:

• To get back into a routine of training and complete the Melbourne Half Marathon in October 2009.
• To regain my core strength and work on balancing my glutes and hamstrings out with my quads. I never again want to have SI Joint pain like I have endured for the past 9 months!

I have a wonderful supportive husband and family here in Canberra and they are all supportive of me achieving these goals - even with having a new baby in February. Starting with baby steps - I hope to be back running 3x per week by May and then start the slow build up of kilometers to be fit enough for 21km by October.

Not too long and you will be reading a fitness blog here again! Yay!

Fresh Start

Well what a massive day we had yesterday! The funeral was at 10:30 and by the time we got there at 10am the majority of people had already arrived. I have never attended such a big funeral and it really makes you feel loved and supported when so many people come out to honour and celebrate the life of someone who had an impact on them in some way.

Mark's mum Jo was a teacher here in Canberra before she retired and there were many of her old colleagues who came along as well as a couple of past students.

We had a post funeral lunch at Jo's house and everyone seemed to have a good time remembering good times past.

At about 3pm it was mainly just family and close family friends left and I had had enough - mainly of sitting around because sitting is becoming increasingly uncomfortable.

So I suggested that we move on from the wake, change venues to our house and have a sausage sizzle and a swim and tranfer over to a New Years Party instead. That was thought to be a good idea by all!

So we carried on into the evening last night - but by about 10:30 most of us had had enough and I think we pretty much saw the new year in asleep! But that is OK.

Today I still feel as though I could sleep forever - but I think it may just be the whole of the past week catching up with me.

Bubs has maneuvered himself into an uncomfortable position and is right in under my ribs, it doesn't seem to matter how I sit, stand or lie at the moment - it is uncomfortable!